VOICES: The Art Of Forgetting: Learning To See The Mother Who’s Still Here

Being Patient published a first-person essay on Oct. 7 by artist and retired professor Robert G. Fishman, who describes how making paintings about memory loss helped him change his relationship with his mother after she was diagnosed with early-stage dementia. Fishman says he gradually stopped trying to correct or recover the person he remembered and began focusing on the connection they still shared.

Fishman writes that he spoke with his mother daily after she was widowed in 1999. She lived alone in Florida and moved to an independent living facility at about age 91. He initially interpreted changes in her behavior as normal aging. By age 94, she was struggling to use her phones, he says. A visit in late 2023 revealed serious difficulties at home, including an empty refrigerator and an apartment that had deteriorated. A neurologist diagnosed early-stage dementia, according to Fishman, but his mother rejected the diagnosis and refused further testing.

He describes how their conversations had concealed the extent of the changes: on the phone, she still sounded like herself. After moving her closer to family in Maryland, Fishman says he continued to correct her and became angry when she could not do things she had done before. He writes that he felt grief and guilt about his reactions, and that he had hoped to make his mother remember. Those details are Fishman’s personal account, rather than a clinical assessment of dementia or caregiving.

As he returned to painting after retiring, Fishman began making landscapes and then removing details from each successive version. He called the works “Deconstructed Landscapes.” He later understood them as a way of representing his mother’s changing memory. Four paintings became a series he calls “The Art of Forgetting.” Fishman says his mother now lives in a memory care unit about 10 minutes from his home, where he visits her.

How Painting Changed His Visits

The essay presents one family caregiver’s account of the emotional adjustment that can accompany a dementia diagnosis. Its central point is not that painting changes the course of dementia, but that making art gave Fishman a way to understand his mother’s memory loss and examine his own responses. He writes that the work helped him stop treating each forgotten detail as something he could force back.

For readers caring for someone with dementia, Fishman’s account describes a shift in focus: from correcting a person or insisting on a shared version of events to meeting them where they are. He says this changed how he approaches visits. The essay does not establish that the same approach will work for every family, but it makes visible the grief, frustration and guilt he experienced alongside his ongoing relationship with his mother.

From Florida to Memory Care

Fishman says his mother had feared developing Alzheimer’s because her own mother was diagnosed at 73 and died seven years later. When his mother was still doing well at 93, he believed she might have avoided the same fate. He writes that this history shaped how he understood the early changes and how difficult it was to accept the later diagnosis.

His mother strongly opposed moving into assisted living locally, telling the family, “Over my dead body.” Fishman says the family persuaded her to move nearer to them in Maryland. He later describes moving her into memory care close to home. His essay links those practical changes with a longer emotional process: acknowledging that his mother was changing while recognizing that their relationship had not ended.

““The phone had shielded me from reality.””

— Robert G. Fishman, in his Being Patient essay

What the Essay Does Not Establish

The essay is a personal narrative, not a study of dementia care or an evaluation of art as a treatment. It does not provide medical records, details about the neurologist’s assessment, or the mother’s own account of her diagnosis and care. Fishman says she refused further testing, so the essay does not describe a later diagnostic workup or specify how her condition has changed since the early-stage diagnosis.

It is also unclear when the four paintings became the “The Art of Forgetting” series or whether Fishman’s work has been shown publicly. The account describes what painting meant to him; it does not claim that art altered his mother’s dementia or that other caregivers will experience similar results.

Fishman’s Ongoing Visits

Fishman’s account ends with his current routine: visiting his mother at a memory care unit near his home and trying to meet her in her present experience rather than correct her. The essay does not announce a new treatment, study or planned project. It leaves the next developments in the family’s story open, while describing an ongoing relationship shaped by his mother’s changing memory and his decision to focus on what they still share.

Key Questions

Who wrote “The Art of Forgetting” essay?

Robert G. Fishman, a retired college professor and nonprofit executive who is also a visual artist and author, wrote the first-person essay published by Being Patient on Oct. 7, 2026.

What is Fishman’s “The Art of Forgetting” series?

It is a series of four paintings that grew out of his “Deconstructed Landscapes.” Fishman says he removed details from successive landscapes and later understood the process as a way to represent his mother’s changing memory.

When was Fishman’s mother diagnosed with dementia?

Fishman says a neurologist diagnosed his mother with early-stage dementia after he visited her in Florida in late 2023. He writes that she rejected the diagnosis and declined further testing.

Where does Fishman’s mother live now?

Fishman writes that his mother moved into a memory care unit about 10 minutes from his home in Maryland, where he visits her. The essay does not give the facility’s name.

Source: rss